No matter how old I get I still need my mother by my side.

I am sitting down to write instantly before I forget. Things I keep seeing in social media about posts that are pretty much devastating and disturbing which has been pinching me for a while now. Not having a friend or a company nearby to share what I feel, I am taking to writing down my feelings on my blog here. Writing down my thoughts has always given me a sense of satisfaction where I am able to write down what I am feeling and atleast be able to remember in the future about what I was thinking. My blog is almost like my best friend only for the difference that it can just listen to what I am sharing with it, alas I am not able to get its views though. I would be very happy if sometimes later in life when I might not be around then I would definitely love people to read my thoughts and see the world through my blog. 

I am not feeling good for some situations which I have gone through recently. I am feeling really very guilty for having spoken with my mother is a high voice. Nevertheless she has always been there for me and look what a jerk I was to have spoken in that manner with her and hurt her. I am pretty much used to writing down my feelings and this method has helped me to a lot of extent in making me relaxed. I have been a loner most of the time so I am used to writing, reading and all such activities which keeps me engaged. I know, no matter how old I get, I still need my mother beside me. They say we never know the value of a person until its gone. I don't want such a moment to come when I will regret for having been harsh on my mother. 

I keep seeing disturbing images on internet, read sad news. Children dying, being tortured by their step parents, other family members, baby sitters etc. Kids missing, mother's plea to find her missing son. I am seeing old people suffer, become sick, left to die with no one to take care of them, I am seeing some people die in front of my eyes. These incidents which has happened with me recently in the past few months has left me thinking about what life really is! 

Is Buddha trying to send me out a message? 

Somewhere during my childhood days, I remember having read about Lord Buddha seeing three different instants which made him think about life and he went to seek nirvana on this aspect. Likewise he saw an old person which made him think why do people grow old, then he saw a sick man lying on bed, made him ask to himself why do people fall sick, then ultimately he sees a dead body and he asks to himself...why does one die? What is the reason, the process behind all these? 

In the same manner I have been seeing all such things, incidents happening to me which makes me think about life in the samsara. I see people suffering, old people abandoned, walking on the street, small children tortured, kids missing, found dead, people dying in front of my eyes. Definitely, God is trying to convey out a message to me. I need to pay heed to it before it is too late. I am a single mother myself and a have a lovely son. I can very well feel and can imagine for that mother who lost her 4 year old son. How did she spend that one night without her son, how she felt when she heard about her son's body being found by the river side. 

I think I should be grateful to my parents for having been there for me and for having helped me out. I know it is easy to say than to do, when I have to be baby sitting my own son for a week my own hair stands out..

So I can totally understand and imagine for my parents in their 50s and 60s to be taking care of our kids. I don't know whether my mother will be able to forgive me for being harsh on her but somedays even if I am not there then atleast those reading this blog I would want her to know that she is always a great mother. God wants to be with each and every of his children He has created so he sent angels in the form of MOTHER to take care of us, give their love, warmth and care. 

To end "Dear, Ama la, I regret what I just did, I was in anger I know. But, this is not the reason enough for me to show, so sorry ama la, if you could forgive me I would be so happy. I can't see tears in your eyes, and tears that are caused by me. I feel horrible deep down, can't see that tear and frown ..so I am so sorry. I know you will forgive me.