Reading ‘Hanuman Chalisa” in a half sleep mode or sleep half mode….

“Carry the Hanuman Chalisa with you”, “If you have a nightmare read the Hanuman Chalisa”…are some of the most famous words of my mother. Though a small book containing some few pages but yet its effect being very powerful, telling you all from my experience. I usually don’t sleep early at night because I don’t feel sleepy at all and I land up staring at the white ceiling with just the fan moving at its rated rpm. So I prefer to do some small house work, or read some books or do some work on the internet…Well most of the time I land up reading or trying out making some new edible product as learnt from youtube.com ..(being our foremost guru these days). Our elders used to believe that 12 midnight is the time when spirits come out and start moving around till 3 am when sun’s first rays of light hits Mother Earth. When we were kids, they would often tell us to sleep well before 12 midnight in order to refrain from scary nightmares. It must have been due to the fact that we were school going kids who would be so tired by the time we came back that we really didn’t get enough time to think about all these. We used to stay in a dorm where all our beds would be nearby and little did we get time to gossip while during weekdays.

But today, I do believe in my elder’s once upon a time words of spirits roaming around from 12 midnight to 3 am. May be because of the fact that I sleep late, I will be making noise while cooking and that too during late hours so definitely such was expected to happen. It sounds creepy but at times when I am working in one room I have the feeling of someone watching me from another room or someone standing along with me.

There are so many facts which I come across and read in the internet which mentions about some figure watching over you when you are in deep sleep.
Now, I do believe in my elder’s words because I have noticed that if I tend to sleep before 12 midnight I am able to sleep well and likewise if I sleep after 12, I will be awake like an owl throughout the night. Why? Because those figures in black color, white color and whosoever don’t let me sleep at all.

I remember this latest incident. So since I am forced to live as a spinster in my Project colony and being alone I am most of the time doing some household chores, internet, reading, cooking etc which never ends. Then by the time am done with my work and I wash my face, hands, feet and change into my night pyjama it is like almost 1:30 – 2 am. So seriously people will call me an owl…or infact I can give myself a name right now...”The Owl”…ha-ha! Well anyways shutting the lights off (we are being taught to save energy) I am off to bed to close up for the day…but then what. Hardly has it been 5 minutes that I get into my sleep than those creepy nightmares start. Oh! By the way I sleep only when I can’t open my eyes any longer or else if I go early to bed while I am not feeling sleepy then half of the time I land up running to washroom. I sense a hand coming in from under the summer quilt and tickling my legs.

I laugh in my sleep. It then moves up slowly towards my back side and reaches my neck. All during this time I don’t feel anything, I am not able to make out that my nightmare is just creeping in. I am so in this sleep that I fail to realize that I am all alone in the house. Then suddenly the move comes…! The hand grabs me by my neck and I am like eyes open, shouting, uttering lots of words but alas! No sound is coming out. I am the only one who is able to hear my own voice. I get up from the bed; try to free myself from the hand. I don’t see anyone but there is this hand which is pressing me from behind. Oh God! I need to free myself, I have to...How do I do? What do I do? I jump out of the bed, I am free from the grasp of the evil hand but then when I turn around what do I see…! I SEE MY VERY OWN SELF…

Then what was going on all throughout the time. I was still in my dream and further to add to my shock the freaking hand is still there behind my neck. I can sense the evil laugh from it. Oh shit! That means I am still in the bloody nightmare dream.

Though in dream, I do realize that I am being attacked (not able to get the right word) by the spirit. Ok! I know I am not that of a religious person who actually goes about dedicating almost 24x7 hours in the altar. I believe in remembering Him every day. That’s my simple ‘funda’. Atleast with this much of religious dedication I have been able to grab some prayers from my parents who are super duper good in prayer stuff. I am often being termed as one of the laziest amongst my siblings considering all my cousins, first cousins, second cousins and so on. I remember how my grandmother used to freak at me. She used to be one super lady who would wake up at 4 am, clean the house, take shower, and clean the prayer house utensils and so on. She used to wake us around 5-5:30 am. While almost all of my siblings would be awake and would be opening their books, with others making some hot chocolates or horlicks, I would still be asleep with my head under the pillow and buttocks pointed up…;) I escaped pretty many times from my granny’s scolding as she used to be busy with the other house work. She would ask my brother-sisters whether I was awake and my siblings were good enough to cover up for me. But this didn’t continue for long. One time I remember my granny’s cold hand come as a tight slap early in the morning which made me wake up at one instant …and believe me that day I was very active the whole time. Infact I wasn’t feeling sleepy also while others were off to bed.

Coming back to my story, I start praying whatever I know. But still it’s not working. I am grasping for breathe, I am suffocating, I am choking…

Shit man! I need to do something. May be God gives me energy at such a time like I have read somewhere that women gets the strength of an elephant while delivering the kids. It may also turn out that way, that I get some super powers to overcome the nightmare. Then I develop all my courage to overcome the evil strength because I know I need to get up from it or else it will pull me into it. It’s scary, it’s creepy but the moment is like trying to survive. It’s like the feeling one gets when they are being drowned forcefully in a deep water.

Either I give up or I keep fighting with all my might. Your hands, your feet are as if being glued to each other and not able to move. The only strength I have is my will power not to give up, try to take out the voice and shout and free myself. I am chanting some Buddhist Mantras, some Hindu Mantras not knowing which prayers are to be prayed when. It’s all happening fast. I got to do something or else I would lose my breathe. With one last try, remembering Him, bringing His picture in my mind I shout out…….And that’s when I am awakened from my nightmare and dream.

I am grasping for breathe and sweating profusely; I hurriedly go to the kitchen to get me some water. My heart is still pumping fast. I come back to my room and have my breathing medicines. Sadly I being an asthmatic patient, this nightmare is really a nightmare in reality where I have to take medicines almost every day in the early morning hours. My mom has also told me to light a matchstick when such happens. It is believed that spirits are scared of natural objects and fire being one of them. So next time you come to my house you will definitely find a box of matchstick and my Hanuman Chalisa book by my bedside table. I know I am in half sleep mode but then I still take out the book and start reciting it. A book which actually takes me less than 10 minutes to finish, at such a time it takes me almost 30 minutes to complete it. I think most of the time I will be reciting the words almost wrong, but heck what goes …I am still able to complete the small book by then. I get some satisfaction. And I start imagining that after reading Hanuman Chalisa, Lord Hanuman himself might be around me with his big lollypop weapon which is called “gada” in Hindi & Nepali. And I get a big relief, even though I can’t see Him but psychologically feeling His presence around me gives me that comfort to go back to sleep again. And see seriously there is power in one’s belief. I have most of the time noticed and observed that whenever such incidents happen and I remember God and pray in this manner I am able to sleep well and comfortably. I think its one’s belief which gives them the strength to overcome the fear. If there is North Pole there is South Pole, if there is East there is West likewise if there is evil there is also good. Sometimes I feel these spirits come to you when they need someone to talk with or to convey message. They being in different dimension than us, it becomes practically next to impossible to understand what they are trying to convey to us. That’s why we have saints, “sadhus”…I don’t know many more that practice magic and can communicate to the spirits. Don’t worry for people like you and me, we are better off reading the Hanuman Chalisa, lightning a match stick and uttering the prayers.

I surely don’t know how long these nightmares are going to continue for me. How long I am to be carrying out the act of reading from the book, lighting matchstick, grasping for breathe and taking my medicines. It’s pretty frustrating at times where it happens almost every day like someone comes to pay you a visit but the only difference is my guests don’t come from the door, they come in from anywhere. Through the windows, through the curtains, through the floors and my imagination actually never leaves me. Sometimes when I am sleeping I feel like they teasing me, tickling me, sometimes sleeping nearby me, sometimes staring at me right away. It’s all creepy to feel this way and if I ever told to anyone about this, they would surely call me crazy. It gives me goose bumps to think about such moments happening almost every time and not just at home but even at work. I better not tell my office incident or else readers will go mad…So at least in my bag even if my wallet is missing but 4 important things won't be missing and will always be there…my chanting beads, my mini version of Hanuman Chalisa, a matchbox and my medicines. J