Tears are words that need to be written

Thinking to not write about all these but what’s happening around the world as on today makes me want to pin down on how I see the show go by. I am not here to comment or criticize anyone nor go about playing the blame game. I am just here to express myself in the shoes of those whom the others call them to be under depression. Not to mention that I am writing at such a time when the whole world is witnessing on what’s been going on. Most of the articles I read on depression does mention about them wanting to share on what they are going through with others. But do you really think that those who seem to care for you do really go about caring to listen to what you have to say. No one, literally no one will be there for you to just sit down along with you and listen to what you have to pour out. A 5 to 10 minutes of pin drop silence from your side and hear the other party speak is all that is required to make them feel relaxed. Yet, we see advertisements in the newspapers/online with contact numbers requesting those who go through such moments of loneliness to come forward and speak. Give a chance to them to speak out anything be it idiotic, rubbish, crap anything. Let them cry, let them howl like a small kid, let them behave like a kid because all has been compressed and stuffed inside of them and has occupied the storage space that the only thing left is now to burst out. That moment of peace, the feeling this engulfs you after you have let go off everything. And you know what others call them? “Oh! You complain too much”, “You are confused”, “You yourself don’t know what’s happening around that you just speak crap. But alas! No one realizes that the worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone. There is a quote somewhere which says that “the saddest people smile the brightest”. In the eyes of the others it looks pretty much a moment and they say “it’s ok”, “don’t take it seriously”, “Just move on”, “stop complaining”, “you are always with negative thoughts” etc. But do you think this is negative thoughts? Every thought is a battle, every breadth is a war, and I don’t think I am winning anymore – might be the words going through the minds of so many just now. No one realizes how those simple and casual words coming out from the mouth of those people affect someone else’s life. It affects them so much morally, mentally, physically but to others or in front of others it’s ok. No one is an expert and our brain has so much going in it. If one is not able to train it, well then it for sure leads to things becoming more complex and mess. It will be too late to realize that you have been caught in the web form of the so called word “depression”. Money does play an important role in life but at the same time training your mind to focus is also a challenging task. It is easy said than done because this is not something which can be finished/trained in a day or two. You feel like hiding your face and crying, you cry within but you still put a smile on your face and face the world ahead. Why? Why do we have to put on a false and a fake smile just to let the world know that you are ok? Or to just give a false impression to yourself? You are a mentor, a motivating force for others but who is yours? Piles and piles of thoughts getting built up and you don’t know where the right thoughts are? They seem to have been lost in the heap of straws. Does there even exist a right and a wrong thought? You search from one side, it becomes a mess; you search from the other side it’s the same… then what! It is easy for others to go about saying “why don’t you go about talking and sharing”. If this was that easy, things wouldn’t have been how they are in today’s time. What to do when there is no one to listen to and to share with because there are moments when the people you are surrounded with make you feel alone. Forget an outsider. They will call you crazy if you sit down to share what’s in your mind and heart that you realize the best way is to just keep it confined in you. You can’t cry out loud because you are an adult, you are grown up, you are mature, you have dependents and you have to set a good example before them – says those who thinks you are just pretending to gain attention. That’s why the only thing you can go about doing is putting a big smile on your face when actually you are crying like a small kid inside. To be listened to, to be heard, to be loved, to be treated like a normal human being is something which they look and desire for. Wordly stuffs don’t matter all the time. What matters is the feeling of not really to be left alone. You are in a group yet you are not there. You are there for others but who’s there for you? The wall, the journal, the ceiling, the furniture’s?  Who all? Writing being one of the best options for many as the paper is like a friend for those who wants to talk out. It is there listening to you as your one and only true friend, your family member. The only effort is physical where you might have to sacrifice some of your energy and some pen ink. Just lay down, close your eyes and in a flick of a second you are not there. Can this be made possible? You are in your another imaginary world. You try your best to be happy yet you are lost for want of happiness. They say – “what problem do you have?”, “you have everything you desire for and yet you are not happy”. It’s easy to say so, but put yourself in the other person’s shoes and see how you feel it. You feel like closing your eyes never to wake up again. At times you feel like travelling far away from people you know. They are there but yet they are not there. Who says a person with all wealth and health is ever happy. If that’s so then why so many famous people on earth did give up their life. Why? Couldn’t money or wealth save them? They had everything. But then what is it that they seek and did not obtain that they decided to end their lives? We often confuse desperation over depression. While the former I personally feel is an act to gain attention, the later doesn’t call for seeking attention. It simply calls for someone you feel like talking to be it anyone starting from family or friends to near and dear ones. Oh! I might be commented “talking to”…I say yes talking to because that lightens the heaviness in the chest. No opinion or view is sought from you; it’s just to listen to. The planet earth has such a huge population that it did require a break this year to let it breathe some fresh air yet every moment, every second lives are lost in the hands of death. Don’t know who to blame to because common!...lets stop this blaming game. It’s the one and all common excuse we find to justify the acts. Why irrespective of there being so many people across the globe, there are still helpline centers, number, contacts to be contacted during such times. Do you think they are able to help? What guarantee is there that a person who has sought help will not fall in the web trap again. The question keeps getting asked frequently in the minds of many but still no one speaks out. No one wishes to have dark days, sleepless nights, grumpy mornings and this endless dark tunnel with no sign that it ever ends. Depression is not a choice! If the silence doesn’t kill you, the way people assume all is well without asking to find out would. It’s not about having people around, it’s about having people that don’t care. Sometimes when one says “am ok”, it’s just that, that person needs to be looked in the eyes, hugged and said “I know you are not”.

 Disclaimer: I have written these words after putting myself in the shoes of people who are going through such moments. As a human being I accept whatever they have to say because no matter what they say, I feel that I was able to give some moment to them. My prayers for those departed souls who lost their lives at the cost of such moments.