"MC" - a document which decides the fate of many, speaking from a volunteer perspective.

Being a woman myself and when I am not able to be of help to another woman in need does make me wander and go to the extent to ask myself on where we are lacking? I have been a volunteer with CBSS (under RENEW – a Non Government Organization working towards respecting, educating, nurturing and empowering women) for some years now. Though I really want to work and give 100% into it but I do have a full time job which confines me from much participation here. I try to work along with the other active volunteers of CBSS including our District focal person. For most of the cases which I have dealt through along with my colleagues atleast in the District where I am currently working, I have seen that whenever there are cases involving a husband and a wife, the case does not seem to move forward much. And maximum number of time the reason being “No Marriage Certificate”.

In Bhutan, a two page document (most probably) is considered to be the fate of a couple. And this document being none other than the Marriage Certificate. It is a document showing the proof of bondage between two souls. It’s weird how everything has to be brought down to black and white even when two souls are coming together to spend the rest of their lives. Rest of their lives?? It’s a doubt in today’s time where relations are taken too casually. And then what next, the two souls part ways and move on with their lives. Well this does not happen in every context. Coming back to reality, in Bhutan not everyone is educated. Though the importance of education is being tried to explain to them but we cannot force them into it. There are families who still have the excuses that there is no one to take care of their ancestral property and they feel that their children changes once upon receiving education and they do not stay back home. I am glad to say that this kind of mind set is getting changed now but may be some few percent are still there who do not emphasize so much on education. Well it’s sad to see that even after explaining the importance yet they don't change their views. So this document (I’d rather cal it this way) is a kind of savior to those who unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances part ways. Then the issue of who is entitled to what comes up. If you don’t have this document then officially it’s a proof that the marriage is not valid. Cases of small children/ new born not getting their entitlement without this document because they don’t have it and either one of the spouses really don’t show upon their willingness to step forward and work towards obtaining the document. Don’t you feel it is a selfish act of them not to have proper documents and they take everything so very casually? From here starts the act of Domestic Violence, Gender Based Violence, alcoholism, drug addiction and so many more by which we see a family getting destroyed in front of our eyes.

For those who are educated and who very well know about the consequences of not having a Marriage Certificate, they make sure to make this document well in time. But what about for those who are uneducated, those who are in the villages and who really don’t know the importance of education, individual’s rules and rights and where the system of night hunting still prevails till date. The next thing you realize is you are pregnant. And then what next! She delivers a child. Does she have a Marriage Certificate? How will she go about registering the new born in the census record without a proper documentation to prove on her marriage?  And that’s it. That is the beginning to a failed and a negligent marriage. When I mention the failed marriage it is not necessary that women are always the victims. Men can also be the victim. The importance of this one document i.e. Marriage Certificate is not known to them and without which it is very difficult to go about fighting for a better cause.

THIS IS A DOCUMENT WHICH HELPS IN PROVING YOUR MARRIAGE TO BE LEGAL,  HELPS IN RECOGNIZING ONE’S ENTITLEMENT AND A DOCUMENT WHICH BINDS A COUPLE TOGETHER ALONG WITH THEIR GENERATIONS TO COME.

And so this does not mean we stop here. I appreciate my fellow mates who are active members in helping out when such cases come up. Usually the victims become aware on the importance of this document i.e. Marriage Certificate only after they come to seek help from Non Government Organizations like RENEW, NCWC and whereby the counselors, the volunteer members from these NGOs explain in detail to them about the importance of the document. We can only guide them on the rules, the regulations, and the procedures they are to follow. The victim ultimately himself or herself has to move forward in getting this document well in time so as to avoid an inundation process in future. It is very saddening to see such cases come up to your NGOs and when we learn that they do not have Marriage Certificate, we are held back from taking ahead their cases. The least we can do for them in the initial stage is guiding them into how to obtain this document. So it comes to our knowledge about that particular victim and we try to follow up with them on how the process in obtaining the document is going on.  

The main concern here is to make the people especially those who are uneducated in the rural as well as urban areas aware on the importance of Marriage Certificate and the consequences leading due to unavailability of this very important document. Those who come to the NGOs are being guided well and follow ups are done regularly so that the victim do not have to suffer much. But not everyone comes to the NGOs seeking their help. There are so many out there who irrespective of suffering every day do not come to seek help. We will not have idea about whom all are suffering and until and unless this is being brought to our knowledge we are held back from helping. I personally feel that one of the best ways is to campaign in the same way we campaign on Domestic Violence, Gender Based violence, Drug Abuse  and other issues. The importance of this very document Marriage Certificate needs to be brought out in picture to this kind of population. The importance of the Rules & Regulations, entitlements should be brought out in picture to empower them. Citing one example just a few weeks back, we came across a female victim who came along with her daughter who was not even a year old. When asked she didn’t have the Marriage Certificate and the kid had not been registered in the census, her husband was not coming back home and was in another place, he own mother was asking her to leave the kid behind and then only enter home. What hurt most was the bitter fact that the kid is so innocent, the father is irresponsible, her own grandmother passing such a comment. The lady had then come to our NGOs hoping to get some help to get back her husband and put her family together. But it was unfortunate that we could not help her much because of the unavailability of the required document. We did guide her as to how to go about obtaining it but the challenge here was that she was not educated and that she had no idea about this document and its importance. The other thing being she was totally dependent on her husband and since he was not around so she did not have enough money to take care of herself. She had no option than to return back to her in-laws with whom she was staying. The only thing we could help her with was guiding her as to how to obtain the document and we gave her our contact numbers by which she could contact us if there was any confusion or problem she had to deal with.

So this being a challenge whereby such victims are not aware of the required documents, the rules, regulations, entitlements, it is our duty and responsibility to make them aware of all these. And the only perfect way I can think of about is through campaigning as much as possible targeting those populations who are prone to such incidents. Through this method, the couples or the people who are getting together will make it a point to obtain these documents well before hand so that there will be no hindrance later in the future when they claim their entitlements along with an identity for their children. This is actually going to shorten the procedure in claiming the rights of an individual. The challenges which we might face in this context is firstly getting hold of people from the identified group to come and attend the campaign. From past experiences, I have seen that even after going to individual homes and asking them to attend the campaign, only 50 – 60% of the population turns up. It would be really good if they could come and attend the campaigns whereby we would be able to explain to them in details about the importance of having the right document at the right time. The other challenge which we may have to face is the fact that most of them might be uneducated and dependent on their spouses. There are families who hesitate to bring out their family matters before others. Convincing them is really a challenge. There are those who are a little educated but are also careless not to obtain these documents well in time and then they tend to suffer in the future. There is a saying “Prevention is better than cure” which we usually tend to associate with sexual activities but I think this saying is also valid in this case. Obtaining the required documents like this Marriage Certificate well in time, knowing about your rights, Rules & Regulations will help shorten the procedure in obtaining your entitlements. God forbid that if such moments arise but if it does then it prepares the individual well in time. And this is the way we can help empower the individual.

While wrapping up my small write up, in the near future if the targeted and identified population are made aware on all these facts then I too see the NGOs being able to move forward in helping them save their family life, help in registering the identities of their children, their education thus shortening the process. I have a disclaimer to mention here that the NGOs in the first instant does not help directly for the families to get separated. Cases where spouses tend to ignore their other halves, don’t want to take up their responsibilities, domestic violence, gender based violence, drug abuse and so many more, the NGOs in the first instant will try to first bring the family together. We will not be listening to just one individual but to both the parties and we try to give counseling to both the parties as much as possible. We tell them about the after math of separation, violence, drug abuse, taking up responsibilities, setting up a good example as an elder to the children etc and counsel them well and if it becomes a worst case scenario then only the last option of separation comes into play. But as much as possible the NGOs don’t recommend the option for separation. Contributions from both women and men are required for the better development of society and the greatness of a community is most accurately measured by the compassionate action of its members.